What You DECIDE is What You'll Experience
Hey, Bold Soul,
I had to get something off my chest this week, and it's something I feel all the way down in my HEART. It's this: what you decide to look for in people and in your life is exactly what you're going to find.
It's easy to believe we're hopelessly divided right now. And I'm here to tell you that most of us are out here intentionally figuring out that it's most of us against a small percentage of jerks (yep, I said jerks), while the loudest voices keep trying to convince us otherwise.
So here's my list of decisions that I believe can bring us back together, dear soul...one choice at a time. And since so many of you lead teams, I've added what each one looks like at work too.
1. If you DECIDE to be open-minded, you will BE open-minded. Open-mindedness happens BEFORE the hard conversation starts. When you walk in already deciding to listen, you hear things you would have completely missed otherwise. What would change if you went into your next disagreement curious instead of armored up? At work: The leader who asks questions before defending "the way we've always done it" is usually the one who finds the better solution.
2. If you DECIDE to see the human behind the behavior, you'll realize we are more alike than different. This is the heart of my Myers-Briggs work. Behind every frustrating behavior is a person with fears, hopes, and a history that makes total sense to them. What might that person be protecting? At work: That employee who resists every change might have survived three layoffs and is trying to keep their team from getting blindsided again. Get curious, and the whole conversation changes direction.
3. If you DECIDE to notice positive things about people, that's what you'll see. Our brains are wired to scan for threats, so this one takes practice! Try spotting three kind things strangers do today...the door held open, the wave at a four-way stop, the patient parent in the checkout line. At work: Catch your people doing things right. The supervisor who stepped up to help a new hire deserves to hear that you noticed, and your whole team learns what you value when you say it out loud.
4. If you DECIDE to look for what we have in common, common ground shows up. I've watched two people who were SURE they had nothing in common discover they both lost a parent young or both coach their kid's team. Connection happens fast when you go looking for it. At work: When departments that have been battling for years, like operations and sales, start with the goal they BOTH care about, the us-versus-them story starts to fall apart.
5. If you DECIDE most humans are wonderful, beautiful, peaceful creations, that's who you'll keep meeting. And you'll start treating them that way, which gives them every reason to rise and meet you there. At work: A leader who believes people want to do good work builds trust and ownership. A leader who believes people are lazy builds more rules and then wonders why nobody takes initiative. People tend to live up, or down, to what you expect of them.
6. If you DECIDE there's only a small percentage of jerks pitting us against each other, you'll stop handing them your energy. Big huge energy leak. Every minute spent stewing over the angriest voices is a minute stolen from the people who actually fill you up. Who deserves that energy instead? At work: Address the pot-stirrer's behavior, absolutely. Then pour your best energy into the steady, reliable majority who show up and do great work every day.
7. If you DECIDE we are more powerful together, you'll start building the better world instead of waiting for it. There are SO many more of us. When we start acting like it, we become unstoppable. At work: Stop hoarding decisions and pull in voices from every level. Some of the best ideas I've ever seen on a manufacturing floor came from people who had never once been asked what they thought.
And on the flip side... (EEK) Some people genuinely enjoy the division. They get an emotional charge and a little dopamine hit from the fight, and they keep going back for more. If that's what you DECIDE you're into, division is all you'll see and meet. I've felt that pull myself while doom-scrolling, and I can tell you it never once made my life better. It just made me more tired and less kind to the people right in front of me. The same goes for leaders who thrive on turf wars and blame! The whole team ends up stuck in that energy right along with them.
Your invitation this week: Pick ONE of these decisions and practice it on purpose. Then pay attention to how differently the world starts to look.
We have the power to create the world we want to live in, and so many of us haven't even started using it yet. Let's freaking do this!
If you want to go deeper, this week's episode of Embrace Your Inner Boldness walks through every one of these.
Keep becoming YOU!
Melissa
https://linktr.ee/becoming_bold_llc
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